Crushes Now and Then

What is it like being single while people around you are dating.

For one second,  I’m like thank god I’m not in that shit. Cause hearing the arguments and sacrifices people make for the uncertain relationship scares me. For a guy whom I just start talking to in my twenties? He might leave and break my heart someday. I’ve got so much to built in my life, education and career and I don’t wanna bear another heartache. I’ve got my loving family, those who stays there forever regardless of my flaws and imperfection. That’s something God had given each and every one of us to walk alongside with.

The downside is I have this weird longing feeling to be cuddled and loved by him. Him as in someone suitable I have yet to meet. Thus why, I always have crushes to fall in love with. I’m one of those who speak my mind out most of the time. And so, I just have this urge to tell him how much I like him. But. But comes in cause when I start listing down what I like about him, he’s not what I’m seeking for. I wonder if I’m falling for him just because I want care or for who he is. I constantly dream to be with him then drag myself to reality when I talk to him. Acting all cool and I don’t like you. And then I’m screaming inside, how good looking or how would it be like to be with him. Crazy feelings really cause somehow I’m a little confused. There aren’t much choices for me cause I rarely meet new people. So I’m just liking people around my circle. I can’t be with them cause I don’t wanna lose another amazing friend. All I could do is to control my hurricane inner feelings and slowly let them fade away till I’ve found someone right to fall in love with.

PS: Writing cause I just had to tell someone……  hehe

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