Grateful Guilty Love

Grateful Guilty Love

Hey someone who use to be mine.

Remember those times when you were fooling around me and you were pretty annoying, that’s when feelings start to grow. Like every typical love story, you and I had someone special but after all those snakes and ladders, we got closer and then talking over the moon.

I’ve been missing you. I wish you were still mine. I wish things were still that simple and easy, that I love you and you love me would just work. I miss your texts, calls and your adorable voice. I miss that moment when you ran towards me and back hug me.

We all have that one love story that makes you flutter regardless how the endings are.

There are days where I blame myself for not being good enough, not patient enough and not pretty enough. And within seconds, ‘Fuck it, it wasn’t my fault. We are just not meant to be’.

No matter how far I’m moving forward, those memories will always be there and I am grateful for them. Our relationship may have went through crazy hurricanes but there were smooth waves and sunshine in between. I’m thankful to have felt what is it like to have someone who actually looked at me, chose me and loved me.

It’s been years and I still feel guilt for what I’ve done – for not staying true to my words, not being able to keep the promises I’ve made and most horribly, for being a jerk. You and I, know that I’ll only seek for you when I’m in need and I truly apologize for that. I gave in so much excuses to cover that up ’cause even I didn’t realize it myself. I’m wounded mentally and you were my only cure to shut my pains temporarily, but hell I was doing it so often that I completely neglected how you felt.

I didn’t know how a relationship had to be like. There weren’t any guides, we were so young. I was lost and it was a little too much to handle when things got tangled. So, I let it go and you let it flow.

Yet, for a thousand million years later, you’ll always be my first lover that I’m grateful and guilty for.

 

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