Most of the time I feel insecurity of how I look from the other sight. I wasn’t into appearance back then cause high school didn’t made me feel out of place regardless you’re ugly, chinese or even if you’re a beauty queen. Nobody cares. But now, those constant disturbing thoughts overflows in my head each and everytime I look at myself right in the mirror. Are my hips too big? or my lips disgustingly jot out of my face? Why isn’t my nose sharper? arms, eyes and everything else. This kills my confidence of what I am made of. Am I really that ugly? Yet I can’t seem to makeover myself cause I definitely do not have any capabilities to even rub some powder on my face. It’s just not me, you know. I don’t feel comfort being on that side of the world. and I’m even doubting myself on my side cause I’m actually physically in that side but mentally in this side. Lol, complicated, but yea that’s what I feel. It always feel comfortable when just one person walk up to you and tell you how pretty you are. And that happens once in a blue moon and I’ll always remember who was it. Maybe there are still spaces for me to improve how I look.
So, here’s where I’m moving myself to: To be confident and proud of whatever shit I’m made of. To stop comparing my ugly face to those other faces. I can’t exactly try to change who I really am, so, To be just comfortable in my own shoes, even though I’m standing alone in my side on the other side. I really do hope I can do something to stop telling myself that I’m not good enough.