Discovering Happiness

Home. It has always been that one place that cures me, allowing me to be my true self and recharging my strength from the demanding world. Home was there when I was in school or college, and that’s what makes me a happy person back then. I could bear with whatever shit, dramas cause I knew it would be temporary and I would be back home, with my loved ones. That’s all I need, something to lean on. 

But what happens when home isn’t home anymore? Where do I go when I need a pat on my back? It suck growing up seeing everything keeps changing but there’s nothing you can do. I had to let things flow the way it is, watch my loved ones leave because holding it back would just hurt them more or stop their future. Let something else conquer home. Even if I had disagreements or I wasn’t satisfied, I couldn’t go against the choice people had made because it wasn’t my choice, it was theirs. Someday, I would also have left for my own reasons too. With that, I’ve partly lost home. Home isn’t how it use to be. Still, I crave to be home at times, imagining things would be how it was back then but it’s just a lie. It’s a lie to myself to at least have some space to chill out my thoughts and feelings. I have to put in effort to stop depending and start living ahead. Suck it up, Jess, you’re not a kid anymore. Carry my strength with me and not giving others the opportunity to decide my abilities.That journey I’m walking on, there’s just two person that would stay with me, God and myself. I would work hard to find that long lost Happiness. Believe it’s always there, waiting for me to discover. 

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