but I’m only human

Somehow, I just feel empty. Why am I always not satisfied with what I’ve got? Why does human feel so much greed and jealousy? Is it really my choice to control what I feel? I’ve came to a point in my life where anything that happens wouldn’t excite me whether it’s good or bad. I can’t remember when was the last time I was happy. Or even hurt. I’m in the middle of the sea, staring at the hurricane that’s coming to me but there’s nothing I can do. I tried being a good daughter or sister, but it’s never good enough. I’m just that stuck up bastard who can’t accept being told off. I fear the world, I fear the people I’m with. Them judging you and you’ve gotta live up to their expectations. Or those who keeps knocking you down. You know somehow they care but it kills me temporarily. Slapping those constant guilts and phrases in my minds. You’re just a Loser, you’re just so selfish. My self esteem is at the rock bottom and hearing it out, would just break me. and that is why I can’t accept critics. In the end I’m only human who craves for your approval, your admiration, your care and love. 

“But I’m only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I’m only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
‘Cause I’m only human”
-Human by Christina Perri

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